How I Hit the Love Lottery and How You Can Too!

Do you ever wonder what happens when you start to deal with your deepest inner fears?  You know, those fears that you would have difficulty admitting to your closest friends or yourself?  The uncomfortable, nagging fears that can sometimes rear its ugly head just when you think you have gotten your head above water in your life? 

Well, let me tell you that facing and releasing those fears can clear you out for some radical shifts in consciousness and allow in miracles beyond wonderful.  It happened to me.  Because it happened to me, I know it can happen to you as well.  You see, it all stated happening when my husband asked me for a divorce on Maui.

Actually, it happened a couple of days after we returned from Maui but he started talking about it on our vacation.  Now, I had been happily married for going on 6 years at the time and I had been satisfied with our marriage and our relationship.  It had given me all that I thought I needed.  But, of course, there are two people in a marriage and he wasn't happy.  There are many reasons why not and to this day he is still working on finding his own place in the world.  But as my world crumbled around me, I had to face all of my greatest fears. 

There was this huge explosion in my psyche.  The bottom had fallen out from under me and my love had fallen apart in an instant of nonchalant decision, out of my control.  I fell into a pit of intense grief, loneliness, fear, and anger.  Those months I spent finding myself and dealing with my greatest fears allowed my world to open up.  My greatest fear was that I wasn't really lovable and no matter what I did for love, I would end up alone and lonely.  My inner journey took me first through the grief and loss of my marriage.  In between the waves of grief came shocks of fear.  I was alone, almost 40 and divorced.  I was pulled through by my friends, my loved ones and the inner voice that always said that I would be OK.  Even though the inner voice was often drowned out by the grief and the fears and the feeling of being unlovable as those emotions burned themselves out, I was left with the voice that knew all would be OK. 

Then, it happened.  My girlfriend, Jennifer invited me to Syracuse to help her give a birthday party for her fiance.  Since Jennifer and I used to have dinner parties together in medical school, this was a good way to get away for awhile and do what we used to love to do.  I met Jamie that day, near the end of the party.  He worked for a car company that I was very interested in and so we got to talking.  Nothing special, no sparks, almost end of story.  What happened though, was that he gave me his card for me to ask him more technical questions.  So I did.  Via email.  Since I wasn't on the market, nor was I interested in a car guy, this was safe. 

The first time we talked on the phone we spent 3 hours talking.  The second time we talked on the phone we spent eight.  We clicked.  He actually, come to find out, was so similar to me it was astounding.  We had a chemistry that was amazing to me.  Just as the fears and grief and feeling unlovable were burning off and that voice that knew things were going to be OK was getting quite loud, I met Jamie.  This was over a year ago.  To this day we say that we hit the love lottery and know that other great things aren't far behind.  As good as my marriage was at the time my relationship with Jamie now is infinitely better.  I've never been as known, understood, nurtured, pleasured, loved and joyful as I am now. 

I had always thought that relationships had to have a lot of compromise.  That I had to really work on a relationship to make it successful.  Believe me, my marriage was A LOT of work.  I can now testify that relationships don't need to be so hard.  The friendship and companionship can just be there.  You can have all that you had ever dreamed of in a relationship without giving up much at all.  Especially, not giving up any significant part of yourself.   The connection and communication we share are beautiful.  We don't always talk about deep inner thoughts, sometimes we just talk about those things we both think are interesting and curious.  I learned that sex can be incredible with more pleasure and more soul connection and passion, ever deepening as our love deepens.  The fun in just being together or talking on the phone is beautiful. 

I learned through all of this that my fear of being unlovable was keeping me feeling unlovable.  As I dealt with that fear, I found this love and acceptance for myself which then in turn attracted someone who also loved and accepted me.  I learned that I was stronger than I had ever thought possible.  My greatest fears had come true and they were really only smoke and mirrors as my true self learned that all dreams do come true.  I hope you allow yourself to hit the love lottery too.  You don't know what you are missing until you let go. 

The winning love lottery is on the other side of your fears.  To find it, just face what you really and truly fear, be honest with yourself and let go.  You may very well find out that you end up with something a million times better than what you had.

Comments

[Jennifer]

I am so happy that I was instrumental in your hitting the love lottery! You deserve it completely. And it was your reward for being such a wonderful friend who was key in pulling off that party!
All the best to you and Jamie!
-JEN